How to rise above fear of rejection
Few things can hold us back in life as much as the primal fear of rejection. It can stop us from asking for the raise; stepping up and raising our voice; wearing that bright colored bikini; expressing ourselves and our feelings to the fullest.
Most of us seek to blend in, get approval, be the favorite ones, belong. We may go to scary lengths to do that because on the other side lies the fear of being rejected; being outcast; being alone. Sometimes we even act as if approval is a synonym to love.
But do we stop to reflect on what the lies behind the approval we seek?
Oftentimes, the waters are blurry. People will approve of us because we accommodate their needs; we provide them with what they want, we tell them what they need to hear, or we help them fulfil a desire- in other words, we fit their agenda. But is this love? And even more than that, to what extent do we go to get that approval? Do we step on our red lines? Do we betray our values? Do we secretly disapprove of ourselves and our actions and linger in resentment and regret? Do we dim our light to stay in someone else’s shadow and since when is that called love?
I spent most of my life avoiding these questions. Most importantly, I never stopped to look at that fear of rejection in the eye and bring it down to its true dimensions.
For the biggest part of my life, rejection was equal to “I am not enough, I don’t deserve to be here”, “I am not enough to deserve to be loved”. Instead of seeing it as a photograph in the video of my life, I was taking it completely out of context and projecting it endlessly in the future, expanding it, making it the whole narrative of my existence.
But I would never-ever do that with acceptance. And there was a good reason why.
Deep down inside, I felt like I was buying acceptance. You see, I was a people pleaser. I was the one to stand quietly aside, do the sacrifice, take a step back to the detriment of my own needs and desires. Until the day came when I realized that true love never-ever comes at that price, either in friendship or in relationships. And that moment of truth hurt. But it helped me change my course in life.
These days, every time I need to reach a decision I ask: whose dream is it that I’m building? Whose agenda am I accommodating? How does this fit into my own dreams, my own values, and my sense of self-respect?
Most importantly, when anyone has a reaction towards what I’m saying or doing, I no longer see it through the lens of approval. I treat it as a positive or negative feedback that can help me change my course if I wish to. I realize that it’s only something temporary and specific to this instance, and it has nothing to do with love. In fact, MOST of the time, constructive criticism comes from the people that love me the most.
Finally, I have managed to take the leading role in my life. And though I admit that I sometimes slip into my old habits (like giving that chocolate bar to my little one to be the “best mommy in the whole wide world” for a moment), I am way more in tune with my feelings. I may no longer be “the best kid on the block” but I am more genuine, in all my imperfections.
In this journey, my jewelry has played a dynamic role.
On the one hand, the mere decision of going down this road was way off the beaten track. And I can’t say that my parents or my medical mentors were exactly happy with it. It was-and still is- a leap of faith in an unknown territory, a beat against the odds. But it is my hearts’ calling and a dream that I want to bring to life.
On the other hand, my jewelry has helped me down this path. My pieces have served me as tactile reminders of my true higher self, my inner Goddess. In moments of doubt, I would touch my bracelets and tap into a version of me that was confident, vibrant, mindful, in perfect tune and flow. I would look at that logo and see in it a talisman that would call me to be the best version of myself right here, right now.
This is why I started sharing my work with other women: I wanted my jewelry to transform their looks but also to remind them of the Goddess within, and their light that they need to share with the world, to let it shine strong and bright.
So if you ever are in need of such a reminder, if you’re tired of being someone else’s dream and not your own, and if you love big, bold, sparkling jewelry, take a look at my creations, pick your favorite one and make it yours. Let it be your talisman, your leap of faith to a better you, your reminder that you have the birthright to be loved JUST as you are.
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